Shut up, Hush your mouth.

And now I give up on admiring you. Your short replies, your lack of interest, and I'm setting myself up for suicide basically. If I can't have a heart throb for you from here, what am I suppose to do in order to dispose of my damn love? I hate that word, love. It's not real. But there aren't any other good words to describe it. I don't want to be all pansy-shit and say my emotions or feelings. Truth is, I don't even know what I feel anymore. I use to think about you all day. How you are, the way you carry yourself. It was ridiculous. And now you've slowly crushed anything I appreciated from you. You probably were just trying to get me intoxicated, but you still stuck by when I was just buzzed. You were still there and its confusing the shit out of me. Why were you there? Why? You made me lay in my bed every night wondering why you couldn't be here with me. For a bit longer. I had so much hope for the future but then I began the believe it didn't exist because you weren't here yet. Will it ever happen? Could I have corny summer love. That doesn't even need a question mark, because I'm not asking. I'm stating it as a simple sentence saying that "No, I can't. Life's not a fucking movie." But I'm trying not to be so hostile about it. If I were a movie, it wouldn't have a rating because as it plays, the audience would simply walk out from the boring life I claim as mine. Am I suppose to take a chance? I'm only seventeen but I knew I felt something so amazing that I dreamt of it every night. It was incredible and I'm not even sure what it was. I just wanted you so much. I didn't even want to date. That wasn't a question. I just wanted so desperately to be around you, and part of your life. I wanted you to say "Yeah, her? She's with me." Some dumb shit like that. I just wanted.