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Emerald Rose Gendreau 18 years old 5'5" 2006 First boyfriend. My parents divorced. Mother gets news she is getting deployed to Iraq. Father because mentally ill over the seperation, and takes it out on his children. Verbal abuse, and constant stalking. 2007 First breakup, followed by bullying. Finds first love. Heartbroken. Mother is gone in the middle east. Father has moved onto phsyical abuse towards my brother. Verbal abuse worsens. 2008 Start dating new boy. Takes virginity and cheats on me. Boy moves away. Calls me a whore and bullies me online. Bullying at school. Mother is back, but still with constant stalking f

And now I give up on admiring you. Your short replies, your lack of interest, and I'm setting myself up for suicide basically. If I can't have a heart throb for you from here, what am I suppose to do in order to dispose of my damn love? I hate that word, love. It's not real. But there aren't any other good words to describe it. I don't want to be all pansy-shit and say my emotions or feelings. Truth is, I don't even know what I feel anymore. I use to think about you all day. How you are, the way you carry yourself. It was ridiculous. And now you've slowly crushed anything I appreciated from you. You probably were just trying to get me intoxic

It's eleven-oh-two and I'm not the least bit tired even after absolutely no sleep all weekend. I'm completely pathetic over you and it's so damn obvious. I can't stop thinking about the cigarette smell you had in your clothes. It makes me get chills. Sometimes I sit at home and wonder if I had smoked with you, would I have felt the littlest sensation of what it'd be like to kiss you. You don't even know. You have no clue that night I was lying on the couch, I was hoping you'd come over and kiss my head one more time before I fell asleep. Did you know I hadn't slept for days before I saw you? It's eleven-eleven and I wish for you to be he